Pathetic
by flyin'rabbit
Summary: Both feel pathetic. When the truth comes out, neither should have to feel that way.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the world of Harry Potter.

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I could stare at him all day, so that is what I do. During meals, during classes, whenever I see him in the hallways or in the library. Never does he look better than he does on the Quidditch Pitch, though. The way his hair is all windswept, the way his eyes shine whenever he'll score a goal, the way he'll win over the students in the stands with his funny moves… it is pure pleasure only to look at him.

It's only too bad he doesn't look at me like that. Sure, he knows I exist. How could he not? I'm in each of his classes, no matter how small, I smile broadly whenever he walks past, and he saved me from a disastrous date in Hogsmeade once (I think that was the moment I started fancying him).

I sigh to myself; he will never see me as anything but a generally happy girl with clumsy tendencies, but most of all, as a Slytherin. Yes, I am a Slytherin and although I won't say that it doesn't fit me – I'm ambitious and I'm determined enough to use any means to get what I want (apart from him, of course) – it sometimes irks me that the other three Houses see us Slytherins as a nasty, evil bunch of potential Death Eaters. I have no such ambition at all.

"Elena? Elena!" My best friend Peter snaps his fingers in front of my face, causing me to look at him instead of at Roger. I look at him innocently and he sighs. "It's Davies again, isn't it?"

I smile weakly and he pats my arm comfortingly. He knows of my obsession; he's the only one who knows how huge it actually is. He doesn't have it any easier than me, to say the least. He's pretty obsessed himself with a Hufflepuff girl two years below us, and she won't spare him a second glance whenever she sees him. I feel pretty bad for Peter about that; at least Roger usually smiles back at me in the hallways.

"Aren't we pathetic?" I ask randomly, and Peter snorts a bit.

"Of course we are," he replies, smiling unhappily. "That's why we put up with each other." I'm about to protest, about to say that we would be friends even if neither of us would be so obsessed with an unattainable person, when he hits my head playfully. "I'm only joking, Lenny." I make a face at his nickname for me.

"Shut it, Pete," I said grumpily, turning back to Roger instead. For once, fortunately, there is no girl at his side. There usually is, so I wonder why nobody's there now. The amount of girlfriends Roger has had to this date is my main objection against outright telling him that I like him a lot. I'm not shy or anything, so that's not the problem. I just don't feel like being used as a toy and being thrown away when he's had enough of me. No thank you. I'm sure that that would hurt even more than seeing him with a different girl every month.

"We are pathetic," Peter says, repeating my words from earlier, staring at his lovely Hufflepuff with great interest. Nobody is sitting near us, so we can freely speak without being overheard. Not that we'd care if someone would overhear, though.

It's not that we're outcasts or anything, we just don't feel like going along with the sneakiness that the rest of our House exhibits nowadays. We get along with everyone else (well, at least the people in our year) but to say they're our best friends? No, I wouldn't do that. Although, perhaps our loneliness here makes us seem even more pathetic than we already are.

As I point this out to Peter, he just shrugs. "We're already pathetic. A little more or a little less pathetic doesn't make a difference." He's right. The people we're obsessed with don't notice us anyway. We don't care much about everyone else.

"Let's go to class," I propose, glancing at my watch. Our first class of the day is in ten minutes and we shouldn't be late; it's Transfiguration and McGonagall hates Slytherins because we are Gryffindor's main rival in, well, everything. She'd love to land us in detention.

"I'll be there in a minute," Peter replies without taking his eyes off of the Hufflepuff girl. "Go without me, okay?" If I wouldn't do the same thing to him all the time (that is, talking to him while keeping my eyes fixed on Roger), I'd be offended. But I'm not, because I'm just as pathetic as he is.

I nod, get up and leave, at the same time as Peter also stands up and casually walks towards the Hufflepuff table. I'm not sure what he's going to do, but I'm sure I'll hear all about it later.

I am early, as usual. Just how I like it. It gives me the opportunity to find myself the seat I want, save Peter a seat in the process (since nobody else sits down next to me anyway) and think for a little longer. About Roger, usually.

My daydreams don't bore me in the least, even though they're always about the same person. He's just so… perfect. Apart from the dating-twenty-girls-a-year thing, of course. That's the only smudge on his otherwise perfect image. I sigh dreamily and lean my head on one of my hands as my vision is clouded by images of the boy I've liked for such a long time. After so many years, I'm not sure if it's just a crush anymore. Am I honestly in love with him? Who knows, that might just be the case.

Today, my alone time doesn't last quite long; the door opens and I sit up, not wanting to look like a complete idiot who falls asleep before the lesson has even started. "Hey Elena."

My eyes widen and my heart speeds up. I grab my desk with both hands as I turn towards the person I didn't expect here now. "Hi, Roger," I manage to say, trying to smile. I must look like I'm in pain though, if Roger's concerned look is anything to go by.

"Everything alright?" he asks and I nod fervently.

"Everything's great, thanks. And how are you?"

There's a small smile on his lips now. Before I become completely transfixed on his lips, I quickly turn my gaze back to his (beautiful, wonderful, sparkling, perfect) eyes. "I'm fine, actually." He plops down in the seat next to me and I think my heart will soon break out of my chest from beating so loudly. I hope he doesn't hear it. On a second thought, I also hope that Peter will forgive me for not saving him a seat. He _should_ understand, but who knows. Boys…

"That's – great," I splutter, and I quickly look towards the front of the classroom.

He chuckles and starts speaking again in that beautiful, velvety voice of his. If I'd die right now, at least I'd die happy, I decide. "That was quite a show downstairs, don't you think?" I have no idea what he's talking about, and he seems to notice. "Or were you gone by then? That's really a shame." He chuckles again. "Your… friend – what's his name? Peter? Well, he asked out – I don't know her name either, to be honest." He scratches his ear in an adorable way and looks at me apologetically.

"Susan Bones?" I ask him, thinking that she can be the only one he'd dream of asking out at the moment, and he nods quickly.

"Right, that was her name. Well, your friend asked her out in front of the entire Great Hall – " _Except for me_, I think gloomily.

"And?" I ask when he stops.

He looks at me as if he's not sure what to tell me. "That was quite shocking in itself for most people," he continues hesitantly, "since everybody thought that the two of you were, well, dating." He stops again and I can only stare. Everybody in this fricking castle, probably including Roger – _Roger!_ – thought that Peter and I were dating? Why? How? What a bunch of idiots.

"Well, we're not," I tell Roger firmly, looking him straight in the eye. When he stares back, I feel myself blushing and I look away.

"That's good," he mutters, and I send him a questioning look. "I mean – because if you were, he would be cheating on you now, right?" He laughs nervously and I suddenly feel hollow inside. That really crushes my last hope. Fortunately, Roger doesn't notice my sudden gloominess.

"Anyway, that Bones girl asked something like, who are you? And then he muttered something and she eyed him like she had never seen anyone quite like him in her entire life – " I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing; either way, I feel bad for Peter that she didn't even know who he was. "But in a good way, I guess." Roger shrugs. "She agreed to have lunch with him today – " Well, screw that. I don't feel bad for Peter _at all_. He's asked out the girl he likes and didn't get turned down. He's no longer pathetic. I'm all alone now. But of course, I can't start wallowing in my patheticness now, because Roger is still sitting next to me – Roger. Of course. At least he's talking to me now. I suppose that makes me a little less pathetic; for today, that is. Although –

"Elena? Are you still awake?" Roger shakes my shoulder lightly and I feel like I'm in heaven. He's touching me, voluntarily! That's definitely going to be the highlight of my day – no, my week, I'm sure. I smile at him, a little too shyly for my taste, and he smiles back. It's as if the entire room suddenly lights up. "I was asking you if you wanted to have lunch with me and my friends, since your friend probably won't be joining you for lunch today."

Oh Merlin. I think I just started hyperventilating. Roger Davies is inviting me to have lunch with him? Sure, his friends will be there too, but how can I properly have lunch with him if I'll feel nauseous all the time thanks to the butterflies in my stomach?

I smile at him again, feeling a little dazed. "That would be great," I tell him, and he smiles back. I'm glad I won't have to sit all alone during lunch today, all pathetic again. "Uh, Roger? Am I even allowed to sit at the Ravenclaw table?"

He thinks for a moment. "Aren't the Professors all for House unity? Don't they want everyone to get along? I don't think they'll mind." I nod numbly as my mind processes what just happened. I'm supposed to have lunch with Roger Davies today. I've liked him forever and now he invited me for lunch at the Ravenclaw table. _What if I make a complete fool out of myself?_

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**A/N**: So, what do you think so far? Like it, hate it? Any questions? Let me know, please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Hello! :) The second chapter is here, and there's only one chapter left after this! This one is from Roger's POV. Hopefully you'll enjoy it!

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Merlin, what have I gotten myself into now? I'm supposed to have lunch with the most perfect girl on this earth. No, honestly – there's nobody in this _universe_ who can beat her in perfectness. That's impossible.

Class has started but I can't get myself to pay attention. I keep glancing sideways, where _she_ is, taking some notes every now and then, and I wonder why I'm not doing the same thing. I _am_ a Ravenclaw, after all. But that's a stupid question, I tell myself quickly. She is much more interesting than whatever McGonagall is teaching us. While watching her out of the corner of my eye, my thoughts drift back to breakfast this morning.

~~~~

_There she __is; I can see her clearly, sitting at the Slytherin table, talking about something with that _boyfriend_ of hers. My hands, clenched to fists, lie in front of me at the Ravenclaw table as I stare at that boy with what I'm sure is a murderous glare. Disdainfully, I catch sight of my blond hair partly blurring my vision and I look at the other boy's brown hair. Life is so unfair sometimes. They move a little, and I turn back to my food, wanting to look inconspicuous. She can't know that I like her – she'd laugh in my face. Or at least, her boyfriend would. She herself is much too nice for that: she always smiles at me whenever I pass her in a corridor, to which I'll awkwardly smile back. It makes the castle, my day, and my mood lighten up, that smile of hers. It may sound pathetic, but it's true._

_Of course, my friends don't know about my (perhaps _slightly_ weird, unhealthy and scary) obsession. They can't know either. Nobody can know. They would all wonder why I date so many girls when I like someone else – is it even only liking? It's an obsession. But is it love? I glance her way again, only to find that she's standing up and walking out of the Great Hall, making my heart ache. Yes, I'm pretty sure this is love. What they don't get is that I'm only trying to get my mind off of her, because she's as taken as can be. If I wouldn't 'date' other girls, I don't know what I'd do with myself. I wouldn't just feel pathetic, I would really be pathetic too. In a way, though, I may be even more pathetic now._

_Her boyfriend, in the meantime, walks over to the Hufflepuff table, catching the attention of lots of people as he goes. Everyone starts whispering and even I look up to see what's going to happen. I've always resented that boy; after all, he's the one who keeps the girl I'm so obsessed with all for himself._

_He stops somewhere near the middle of the table and starts speaking; by now, the entire Great Hall is watching the scene in front of us and everyone, apart from some annoying first years, is quiet, so we can all listen in. What happens surprises me. His girlfriend, who is oh-so-perfect, and who is way too good for him anyway, has only just left the Great Hall and he's asking out some Hufflepuff girl? The conversation continues for a while and when they're done, everyone turns back to their food. I'm not hungry anymore, though, so I get up and leave, towards the Transfiguration classroom where, I realise with a jolt, _she_ will be as well._

~~~~

And she _was_ there. She's still here. She didn't tell me to get lost or leave because she was saving the seat for someone. I'm glad I managed to keep my cool during the conversation earlier, although I do feel quite stupid about telling her that everybody in this school thought that she was dating that boy who now turns out to only be her best friend (yes, I did call him her friend when talking to her, but by then I had already reached the conclusion that he could hardly be her boyfriend). I cast a quick glance sideways and I sigh silently. She must think I'm an idiot now. A pathetic idiot.

However awful that thought makes me feel, I can't deny that I was over the moon when I heard that they aren't dating (and I'm still very happy inside). That means I stand a chance! Well, theoretically, that is. She'd probably rather date someone who's not such a big idiot. Oh well. At least she agreed to have lunch with me.

Class is over before I know it. Elena stands up and prepares to leave as I do so as well. Outside the classroom, I catch up with her. "Elena! Where are you heading?"

She looks at me strangely at first, and then she answers, "I have a free period now, so I'm going to the common room. Why?"

Why? Well, I have a free period now as well, and I can think of a couple of things I'd like to do during that time… but of course, I can't tell her that. She'd freak out like nobody has ever freaked out.

"Just wondering," I say, trying to look neutral. "Don't forget about lunch, alright?"

She reddens a little and I wonder if she was actually _planning_ on forgetting. "I won't," she tells me, smiling reassuringly, and she walks away slowly, towards the dungeons, where (I've heard) the Slytherin common room is.

I run a hand through my hair as I watch her go. I never expected to fall for a Slytherin, but here I am. I've fallen, and rather hard too. Then again, she's not a typical Slytherin. She doesn't really seem to fit in there. Her House-mates never were very nice; to me, that is. Or to anyone I know. She should've been a Ravenclaw. Then this wouldn't be so hard.

Like the true Ravenclaw I am, I walk towards the library, hoping to get some homework done. But of course, my mind is too occupied by Elena and the fact that we're going to have lunch together to do anything like a Transfiguration essay or some Charms revision.

"Roger!" My friends sit down on the unoccupied chairs next to me, seeming quite excited about something and pulling me out of my daydream. "Why don't we go outside for a bit?"

I eye them sceptically. "Outside? It's January!"

"And?" one of them questions me. "You'll get over it. Are you coming or not?"

"Now?" I ask, flabbergasted. Why they want to go outside now is a miracle to me and I don't intend to find out their reason for this. "And no, I'm not coming. It's freezing!"

"So what? Well, if you change your mind, we're going to the dorm now, to put on something warm, and then we'll head outside. We'll be back after lunch."

Lunch? I hardly notice them getting up and leaving me alone again, for my mind is, once again, occupied by what's going to happen (no – what could happen) at lunch today. I invited Elena to have lunch with me and my friends, but now it seems that it'll be just the two of us. Hopefully she won't mind. I know I don't. It's almost a date now, but that thought makes me nervous.

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**A/N**: Well, what do you think? Let me know, please review!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Final chapter, a little later than planned... Oh - the *** indicates a POV change ;) Anyway, hopefully you'll enjoy it!

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Ten minutes before lunch, I am standing next to the exit of the Slytherin common room. I followed some younger students down here and am now trying to act as if I'm completely at ease. For that, I have to ignore the suspicious looks and the sneers the passing Slytherins send me. I suppose it's not the safest thing to do anyway, to go and stand here, as the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain. Finally, the common room entrance opens and _she_ steps out, looking beautiful and perfect as always.

"Elena!" I whip around so quickly that I almost lose my balance and find myself staring straight at Roger. My eyes widen considerably. Why would he be here? Surely he's not here to tell me that he's going to have lunch with some other girl, right?

"Roger!" I splutter. "What are you doing here?" His face darkens for a moment.

"I thought it would be nice to pick you up here," he says, quickly rearranging his facial features back into a gorgeous smile. I hope dearly that my knees won't give in.

"Thanks," I say, my voice slightly higher than I would like it to be. "That's very – nice." I hope my smile is convincing enough, because honestly – if the boy you're in love with would pick you up in, well, (at least) foreign waters to have lunch with you, who'd call that nice? It's so much more than just nice. I feel so pathetic.

"So," he starts, and he looks a little uncomfortable. "Let's go?"

I smile and nod and we walk towards the Great Hall, chatting a bit about the fact that the Slytherin common room is situated in the dungeons. The Ravenclaw common room is at the other side of the castle, so Roger finds it hard to imagine us living down here. Personally, I have a fear of heights, so I don't really mind that aspect of our common room. When I tell him this, he chuckles lightly, showing off his perfect teeth.

"Well, it's not as if you're standing by the window the entire time, is it?" he asks. "I'm sure that there are Ravenclaws with a fear of heights as well… I suppose you get used to it. And you can always just ignore it." He has a point there. I'm glad he doesn't mention how he's not afraid of heights at all, which, I guess, goes without saying for a Quidditch player.

As we enter the Great Hall and sit down at the Ravenclaw table, people look our way curiously. Apparently, a Slytherin and a Ravenclaw sitting together is something out of the ordinary, even though I _can_ distinctly recognise Peter sitting at the Hufflepuff table, near the Staff table, and I smile a bit, before remembering all the stares directed at me.

"Just ignore them," Roger whispers and I look up at him; he's far closer than I expected him to be. I blush and look away again; it's the only thing that'll keep me from becoming completely entranced by his beautiful eyes.

Only then do I realise that we're actually all alone here; sure, there are other Ravenclaws eating, but we're not surrounded by the usual group of boys accompanying Roger. "Where are your friends?" I therefore ask, and his smile fades a little. I wonder why. "I mean, you said that I could have lunch with you and your friends. Not that I mind that they're not here – " I hastily shut my mouth before I can say anything even more embarrassing, but Roger looks a little confused (yet incredibly sweet at the same time).

"They came up with some idiotic plan that involved them being outside during the lunch break," he says, rolling his eyes, and I smile, not too sure whether he'd appreciate me laughing at his friends.

During the lunch, we don't say very much. I am still very aware of people staring at us. Perhaps they think I'm his latest conquest, and although I would love nothing more than that (though 'conquest' isn't _really_ a flattering term), it also makes me a little nervous about what Roger expects from this. Probably not too much. Besides, if I was really his newest girl toy, we wouldn't exactly be eating now, but he'd be snogging my face off, I think. I smile at that thought; thankfully, he doesn't notice.

When we're both done, Roger looks up at me, smiling, and asks, "Do you want to go for a walk, perhaps?"

I smile back, unable to believe that he really wants to spend time with me (_a Slytherin_, a voice in my head taunts me). "Sure, that would be great." I know that neither of us has class directly after lunch and I wonder how long this walk will take. It's very possible that he only wants to walk me back to my common room, or perhaps he'll want to join his friends outside.

Soon, though, it becomes clear that none of those are the case. We wander through the deserted halls of Hogwarts while joking around a bit. We manage to talk, even though this whole situation feels surreal to me. Who'd have thought? I know I didn't. I don't even feel that nervous anymore; it almost comes naturally to walk and talk and joke with him.

Suddenly, he stops walking, and so do I. Sending him a questioning look, I notice that he seems to be fighting some sort of inner battle. His eyes, though looking straight at me, have glazed over a little; his mouth is nothing but a thin line.

Then he smiles again. "Listen, Elena. I'm really sorry about what I said earlier today. But I honestly didn't know that you and – Peter aren't dating. I'm sorry."

He looks so genuine and almost sad that my heart speeds up again. "It's alright, Roger. You weren't the only one who thought so." I choose to ignore the little voice in the back of my head that tells me that although that is true, the fact that _he_ thought so was quite a disappointment to me.

"But I do feel bad about thinking that," he presses. "I mean – I don't know. It's just so confusing."

He looks so adorable right now that I smile fondly at him. "What's so confusing, then?" I ask, curious. "You and everyone thought that we're dating, and we're not." I shrug, not understanding what's so difficult to comprehend.

"I feel confused," he says, cheeks almost glowing red. "I always thought that you two were dating and now that I know you aren't – I should feel happy. Yet I feel ashamed that I even thought that in the first place."

"Happy?" I echo. Now I'm the one who feels confused. "Why should you – "

Before I can finish my sentence – my thinking process, even – I am silenced by the fact that I'm suddenly pressed against a wall with his lips on mine. After the initial surprise fades away, a warm feeling spreads through my body and I'm glad my back is against a wall because I wouldn't be able to keep standing if it wasn't.

His lips are soft and sweet on mine and his hands are holding me close. His hair is slightly tangled, I notice as I run my fingers through it, but that fact makes him even more perfect to me. If this is what heaven is like, kill me now please.

Okay. Focus. Earlier on, things weren't going as planned. I felt stupid about the whole Peter issue and Elena had seemed surprised when I turned up next to her common room. But this. This is heavenly. I didn't expect myself to be this straightforward – to just grab her and kiss her – but it seems to work. I don't know for how long we are standing there before she breaks away. I'm almost certain that I did whimper there.

She looks at me with a sad look on her face, and I have to contain myself from wrapping my arms around her. "Roger," she says, and I can hear that she has no idea what she even wants to say. One thing is certain, though: she doesn't want this. She doesn't want me. I swallow.

"It's okay," I tell her flatly. "I understand." I turn around to leave, but she grabs my arm just before I can do so.

"Do you?" she asks, and I have to think for a moment what she's talking about. She sounds as if she's about to cry and that fact kind of derives my attention from _what_ she is saying. "Do you really understand? Because I don't think you do." She drops my arm and tries to push past me, but now I grab her instead.

"What are you talking about?" I ask her, dumbfounded. What did I do now to upset her like this? "What don't I understand?"

"You – ," she starts, and she stares down at her feet. She takes a deep breath and looks up again, before continuing. "You have no idea what it's like to see – to see the person you're hopelessly in love with – " My heart skips a beat as she says this. Could this mean what I think it means? "You don't know how it _feels_ to see them fool around with a different girl every month. That hurts, Roger, and it hurts even more to know that I'll never be anything else than all those other girls. And now that's happening. But – I don't want this, alright? I don't want this to happen to me."

"Elena," I whisper, but she shakes her head resolutely. "Elena. Listen to me. I know, as a matter of fact, exactly what that feels like. I just told you that I thought you and Peter were dating and it was horrible to think that. And – that was why I was always with other girls. I needed to get my mind off of you. But I couldn't. I couldn't." I stare at her, hoping that she'll believe me. She sniffs. Then she looks up.

"Really?" she asks uncertainly. As I nod, wordlessly, she cracks a small smile. "Okay then," she says, and she relaxes a little. I pull her into a hug and we stand there for some time. I'm sure we'll be fine now. We're no longer pathetic. And if we are, we can be pathetic together. Which sounds good enough to me. Together.

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**A/N**: So, what do you think? :) Let me know, please review!


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